What I Wish I Would Have Known Before My Mission

I am trying to keep my posts reasonably short, but this one will probably be the longest I ever write. However, I'll try to keep it concise and meaningful, so I hope you'll read the whole thing and feel it was worthwhile.

Deciding to serve a mission for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints was a long process and the decision wasn't even 100% final until I stepped into the Missionary Training Center. I was really afraid, but more because of what I DIDN'T know about being a missionary than what I DID know. The first important lesson that I learned, was that God wanted me to serve a mission as long as I had the desire to be a missionary. He was never going to tell me not to serve but I didn't need to wait for some overpowering feeling; serving a mission was an honorable thing to do and God would continue to help and bless me. I hear a lot of girls that are able to serve missions but haven't, say that they don't feel like they need to go. My response is that you don't have to wait for God to tell you to go because He already wants you to. Why wouldn't he? He needs missionaries and if you can be one and you are committed to Him, then He will be happy to have you as a missionary. I struggled with this need for divine intervention, and God definitely gave me the signs I needed to push me along, but those signs aren't necessary to make the decision.

The next thing that I wish I would've known was how much fun I would have as a missionary. Sure, there were tough days, but I had fun every day of my mission. I loved talking to people, getting to know them and understand their lives. I loved making friends with local church members and other community members. I had a blast getting to know my fellow missionaries and my mission presidents and their families. And even over four years after my mission, I am still having a blast with my mission friends. I've done a lot of exciting things in my life and I worried that my 18 months as a missionary would be dull. Those 18 months were anything but dull! Every day was an adventure! I truly and honestly had the time of my life as a missionary.

Another major fear I had was how well I would get along with my missionary companions. I worried that I would go crazy being with another female 24/7 for 18 months. I had nothing to worry about! God knows us and He knows who we need in our lives. Jessica Gutierrez, Erin Capone, Carla Lopez, Mary Wollenzien, Lisa Fisher, and Liesen Parkus are my sisters for eternity. I am so happy that I don't have to live my life without knowing these wonderful women. I shared experiences with them that encompass every human emotion and I am a MUCH better person because I know them and served with them. These girls know my soul and I am grateful to them for deciding to serve missions so we could be companions. (It's possible this paragraph is making me tear up a little bit.) And as if having amazing companions wasn't enough, I was extremely blessed to serve in a Visitors' Center and get to know about forty other amazing women that I count as some of my best friends.

I've never been scared of meeting new people or sharing my beliefs, but I never expected to love the people I taught the Gospel to as much as I did and still do. If I could have felt even a fraction of the love God would give me for these people, I would have begged to go on a mission! They become your family and you become a member of theirs. The bond you form is truly a heavenly gift and is hard to describe in words. It changes your life.

My biggest fear by far was that I would miss my chance to get married if I served a mission and was out of the dating world for 18 months. Most of you know that I met Tyler on my mission (in the MTC), so knowing that before my mission would have definitely helped :) But more meaningful than meeting Tyler, was learning how to choose a good life partner for myself. If I wouldn't have learned that, meeting Tyler wouldn't have done much good. I thought I had the whole spouse selection thing all figured out before my mission, being 24 and very wise. I quickly learned how unprepared I was to make that monumentally important decision. Over the course of my mission, from various people (mission presidents, companions, church leaders, other missionaries), I came to understand the things I valued most in a partner and vowed I would wait to marry until I could have the kind of partnership I knew would make me eternally happy. I also strengthened my relationship with the Lord through prayer, which improved my decision making process with Him.

As you can tell, I can go on and on but I don't want to make this post so long that no one will read it :) What I hope is that girls that have given a mission even a fleeting thought, will read this and have a positive impression for what a mission can do for them. Before serving a mission, most of the return missionaries I knew were guys. No woman in my family had ever served a mission and I wasn't close to any girls that had, so hearing some of these things beforehand might have calmed my fears. I don't discount the many influences that helped me make the decision to serve. I am forever grateful to those people and I hope you know who you are.

I believe in Jesus Christ and He is why I chose to be a missionary. It was a privilege to try to represent Him honorably and it is an experience that has changed me forever. Speaking to anyone considering a mission, I tell you this, you will never regret it.

My Own Kind of Mom

This past week I heard from a good friend that she and her husband are expecting their first baby--a girl! Of course I was elated to hear the news since I've been secretly hoping they would get pregnant for the past year :) And I was also reminded of the many conversations she and I have had about being a mom. The first real conversation was almost two years ago when I called to tell her I was pregnant with my first. 

During that conversation about motherhood, and in every one since, we've aired our concerns about how we would fit into the mommy world. In the process, we have probably unfairly stereotyped or judged people, but our fears that we would either turn into someone we didn't want to be or never have friends because we didn't turn into that someone we didn't want to be, were real. By the time she has her baby girl in February, I will have been in the for 18 months, and while I don't have it all figured out, I have learned one very important thing: I can be my own kind of mom.

I am not crafty. I do not sew. I am a terrible home decorator (my house is only half a step above a bachelor's pad). I don't really coupon. I am tidy but my house isn't immaculate. I don't work out more than just taking Will on walks every day.  And most of all, I don't aspire to do any of the aforementioned things. They aren't life goals. I really don't think I'd enjoy most or any of them. So especially in a Mormon mommy culture, it was easy to wonder how I would fit in or what people would think of me if I didn't post a cute picture every month of my baby next to some kind of craft with his age on it. 

But what I've discovered is that I have lots of different friends that meet my  needs in different ways. And I choose friends who don't impose their hobbies on me if I'm not interested. And I don't spend time with people who make me feel inadequate. Not that people do it intentionally, but sometimes you meet people and it is overwhelming to be a part of their lives. So I keep my distance and spend my time with people who make me feel positive about myself.

I don't have to be a mom like other moms. I get to plan each day with my family doing things that we think are fun and fulfilling.  My life is simple. And I love it. And I'm grateful that I can know how much my son loves me and that even though he can't talk, I can tell he thinks I'm the perfect mom for him.

The Mean Wives Club

I don't consider myself a member of this club. I'm sure I share some characteristics of its membership, but I don't believe that I have enough of the symptoms to be considered a mean wife. If you suspect that you may have many or all of these symptoms, evaluate your behavior and if you are an offender in these things, please make the changes necessary to revoke your membership in this club. 

1. In your mind, your husband can't do anything as well as you can. Typically, this manifests itself when a husband tries to step in and take on a task or chore that you typically perform. Maybe it's the dishes, or driving, or cooking, or building a bookshelf, or writing a paper, or mowing the lawn, or washing the laundry. Whatever it is, you are critical about the way he does it and, without being asked for your advice, tell him how to do it. Instead, you should be grateful that your husband loves you enough to share your workload. Let him do things his way. You will survive if the dishes are washed with lukewarm water and an old scrub brush. And you will likely have a happier life because you will have a husband that feels appreciated. Men are not dumb. They may do things differently than you, but they are still very smart and very capable.

2. You criticize him in any circumstance you feel necessary. You will be rude or condescending to him in front of his friends, co-workers, and family. Your husband may tolerate this for awhile, but one day all of the bottled up embarrassment and humiliation will explode and you in your selfishness will wonder why your husband is so angry and different all of a sudden. You will have yourself to thank for that behavior.

3. Many of you use Facebook as an outlet to tell all of us, your friends and family, how much you love your husbands. But since your actions speak louder than your Facebook statuses, when we read your status, we all roll our eyes and say to ourselves, "If it was only true that she actually loved and appreciated her husband." But we know you don't, so we keep scrolling and eventually one day, we even hide you from our news feed because we can't stand reading the constant hypocrisy.

There are more than just these three points, but I don't want to make my posts so long that people won't read them. So maybe I'll do a Mean Wives Club Part 2 somewhere down the line. Or maybe more of the people I know will start being nicer to their sweet husbands and I'll forget that I ever knew anyone in this club.

Take It or Leave It

This blog will be filled with my opinions about all sorts of topics. Whether you agree or disagree, I appreciate you taking the time to read. As being Mormon is a big part of who I am, I will definitely make references to my religion and the culture of its members. Please feel free to ask for clarification about lingo I may use that you may not understand. If you're looking for a family blog, you'll need to check out tylerandrebekah.blogspot.com. You won't find many cutsie family photos on this page!