My Own Kind of Mom

This past week I heard from a good friend that she and her husband are expecting their first baby--a girl! Of course I was elated to hear the news since I've been secretly hoping they would get pregnant for the past year :) And I was also reminded of the many conversations she and I have had about being a mom. The first real conversation was almost two years ago when I called to tell her I was pregnant with my first. 

During that conversation about motherhood, and in every one since, we've aired our concerns about how we would fit into the mommy world. In the process, we have probably unfairly stereotyped or judged people, but our fears that we would either turn into someone we didn't want to be or never have friends because we didn't turn into that someone we didn't want to be, were real. By the time she has her baby girl in February, I will have been in the for 18 months, and while I don't have it all figured out, I have learned one very important thing: I can be my own kind of mom.

I am not crafty. I do not sew. I am a terrible home decorator (my house is only half a step above a bachelor's pad). I don't really coupon. I am tidy but my house isn't immaculate. I don't work out more than just taking Will on walks every day.  And most of all, I don't aspire to do any of the aforementioned things. They aren't life goals. I really don't think I'd enjoy most or any of them. So especially in a Mormon mommy culture, it was easy to wonder how I would fit in or what people would think of me if I didn't post a cute picture every month of my baby next to some kind of craft with his age on it. 

But what I've discovered is that I have lots of different friends that meet my  needs in different ways. And I choose friends who don't impose their hobbies on me if I'm not interested. And I don't spend time with people who make me feel inadequate. Not that people do it intentionally, but sometimes you meet people and it is overwhelming to be a part of their lives. So I keep my distance and spend my time with people who make me feel positive about myself.

I don't have to be a mom like other moms. I get to plan each day with my family doing things that we think are fun and fulfilling.  My life is simple. And I love it. And I'm grateful that I can know how much my son loves me and that even though he can't talk, I can tell he thinks I'm the perfect mom for him.

The Mean Wives Club

I don't consider myself a member of this club. I'm sure I share some characteristics of its membership, but I don't believe that I have enough of the symptoms to be considered a mean wife. If you suspect that you may have many or all of these symptoms, evaluate your behavior and if you are an offender in these things, please make the changes necessary to revoke your membership in this club. 

1. In your mind, your husband can't do anything as well as you can. Typically, this manifests itself when a husband tries to step in and take on a task or chore that you typically perform. Maybe it's the dishes, or driving, or cooking, or building a bookshelf, or writing a paper, or mowing the lawn, or washing the laundry. Whatever it is, you are critical about the way he does it and, without being asked for your advice, tell him how to do it. Instead, you should be grateful that your husband loves you enough to share your workload. Let him do things his way. You will survive if the dishes are washed with lukewarm water and an old scrub brush. And you will likely have a happier life because you will have a husband that feels appreciated. Men are not dumb. They may do things differently than you, but they are still very smart and very capable.

2. You criticize him in any circumstance you feel necessary. You will be rude or condescending to him in front of his friends, co-workers, and family. Your husband may tolerate this for awhile, but one day all of the bottled up embarrassment and humiliation will explode and you in your selfishness will wonder why your husband is so angry and different all of a sudden. You will have yourself to thank for that behavior.

3. Many of you use Facebook as an outlet to tell all of us, your friends and family, how much you love your husbands. But since your actions speak louder than your Facebook statuses, when we read your status, we all roll our eyes and say to ourselves, "If it was only true that she actually loved and appreciated her husband." But we know you don't, so we keep scrolling and eventually one day, we even hide you from our news feed because we can't stand reading the constant hypocrisy.

There are more than just these three points, but I don't want to make my posts so long that people won't read them. So maybe I'll do a Mean Wives Club Part 2 somewhere down the line. Or maybe more of the people I know will start being nicer to their sweet husbands and I'll forget that I ever knew anyone in this club.

Take It or Leave It

This blog will be filled with my opinions about all sorts of topics. Whether you agree or disagree, I appreciate you taking the time to read. As being Mormon is a big part of who I am, I will definitely make references to my religion and the culture of its members. Please feel free to ask for clarification about lingo I may use that you may not understand. If you're looking for a family blog, you'll need to check out tylerandrebekah.blogspot.com. You won't find many cutsie family photos on this page!